Resentment

I became hardened by the lack of freedom that comes with putting others first. It is a noble act, yet I became so consumed by it that it grew into a resentment. And when that struck, it was like a plague. Spreading and controlling my mind, all consuming, dark and unpleasant. I began to resent resentment. I gave it power and it destroyed me. My energy was so attuned to it that I attracted more of it. I tried to claw my way out but it had infiltrated my roots. I believed that I did not deserve good things, that I was too greedy, there was too much anger inside. I became angry about being angry. I questioned my kindness, was it genuine? Bad things shouldn’t happen to kind people therefore I must not be genuinely kind. My past self was now riddled with guilt, torment and confusion. There was too much of a dichotomy between who I thought I was and who I was presently struggling with. It was almost as if the past was erased, everything I knew, believed, everything I had constructed my identity from disappeared. And so did I.